Required Reading

I belong to a fantastic group out here for families with kids who have special needs. An email came across the group yesterday with a link to this blog post that absoultely had me in tears at the end.

I can only hope to write so well some day.

Welcome to the Club

My dear friend,

I am so sorry for your pain.

Don’t worry; no one else sees it, I promise. To the rest of the world, you’re fine. But when you’ve been there, you can’t miss it.

I see it in your eyes. That awful, combustible mixture of heart-wrenching pain and abject fear. God, I remember the fear.

I see it in the weight of that invisible cloak that you wear. I remember the coarseness of its fabric on my skin. Like raw wool in the middle of the desert. You see, it was mine for a time.

I never would have wanted to pass it on to you, my love. I remember so well suffocating under the weight of it, struggling for breath, fighting to throw it off while wrapping myself in its awful warmth, clutching its worn edges for dear life.

I know that it feels like it’s permanent, fixed. But one day down the line you will wake up and find that you’ve left it next to the bed. Eventually, you’ll hang it in the closet. You’ll visit it now and then. You’ll try it on for size. You’ll run your fingers over the fabric and remember when you lived in it, when it was constant, when you couldn’t take it off and leave it behind. But soon days will go by before you wear it again, then weeks, then months.

I know you are staring down what looks to be an impossibly steep learning curve. I know it looks like an immovable mountain. It is not. I know you don’t believe me, but step by step you will climb until suddenly, without warning, you will look down. You will see how far you’ve come. You’ll breathe. I promise. You might even be able to take in the view.

You will doubt yourself. You won’t trust your instincts right away. You will be afraid that you don’t have the capacity to be what your baby will need you to be. Worse, you’ll think that you don’t even know what she needs you to be. You do. I promise. You will.

When you became a mother, you held that tiny baby girl in your arms and in an instant, she filled your heart. You were overwhelmed with love. The kind of love you never expected. The kind that knocks the wind out of you. The kind of all encompassing love that you think couldn’t possibly leave room for any other. But it did.

When your son was born, you looked into those big blue eyes and he crawled right into your heart. He made room for himself, didn’t he? He carved out a space all his own. Suddenly your heart was just bigger. And then again when your youngest was born. She made herself right at home there too.

That’s how it happens. When you need capacity you find it. Your heart expands. It just does. It’s elastic. I promise.

You are so much stronger than you think you are. Trust me. I know you. Hell, I am you.

You will find people in your life who get it and some that don’t. You’ll find some that want to get it and some that never will. You’ll find a closeness with people you never thought you had anything in common with. You’ll find comfort and relief with friends who speak your new language. You’ll find your village.

You’ll change. One day you’ll notice a shift. You’ll realize that certain words have dropped out of your lexicon. The ones you hadn’t ever thought could be hurtful. Dude, that’s retarded. Never again. You won’t laugh at vulnerability. You’ll see the world through a lens of sensitivity. The people around you will notice. You’ll change them too.

You will learn to ask for help. You’ll have to. It won’t be easy. You’ll forget sometimes. Life will remind you.

You will read more than you can process. You’ll buy books that you can’t handle reading. You’ll feel guilty that they’re sitting by the side of the bed unopened. Take small bites. The information isn’t going anywhere. Let your heart heal. It will. Breathe. You can.

You will blame yourself. You’ll think you missed signs you should have seen. You’ll be convinced that you should have known. That you should have somehow gotten help earlier. You couldn’t have known. Don’t let yourself live there for long.

You will dig deep and find reserves of energy you never would have believed you had. You will run on adrenaline and crash into dreamless sleep. But you will come through it. I swear, you will. You will find a rhythm.

You will neglect yourself. You will suddenly realize that you haven’t stopped moving. You’ve missed the gym. You’ve taken care of everyone but you. You will forget how important it is to take care of yourself. Listen to me. If you hear nothing else, hear this. You MUST take care of yourself. You are no use to anyone unless you are healthy. I mean that holistically, my friend. HEALTHY. Nourished, rested, soul-fed. Your children deserve that example.

A friend will force you to take a walk. You will go outside. You will look at the sky. Follow the clouds upward. Try to find where they end. You’ll need that. You’ll need the air. You’ll need to remember how small we all really are.

You will question your faith. Or find it. Maybe both.

You will never, ever take progress for granted. Every milestone met, no matter what the timing, will be cause for celebration. Every baby step will be a quantum leap. You will find the people who understand that. You will revel in their support and love and shared excitement.

You will encounter people who care for your child in ways that restore your faith in humanity. You will cherish the teachers and therapists and caregivers who see past your child’s challenges and who truly understand her strengths. They will feel like family.

You will examine and re-examine every one of your own insecurities. You will recognize some of your child’s challenges as your own. You will get to know yourself as you get to know your child. You will look to the tools you have used to mitigate your own challenges. You will share them. You will both be better for it.

You will come to understand that there are gifts in all of this. Tolerance, compassion, understanding. Precious, life altering gifts.

You will worry about your other children. You will feel like you’re not giving them enough time. You will find the time. Yes, you will. No, really. You will. You will discover that the time that means something to them is not big. It’s not a trip to the circus. It doesn’t involve planning. It’s free. You will forget the dog and pony shows. Instead, you will find fifteen minutes before bed. You will close the door. You will sit on the floor. You’ll play Barbies with your daughter or Legos with your son (or vice versa). You’ll talk. You’ll listen. You’ll listen some more. You’ll start to believe they’ll be OK. And they will. You will be a better parent for all of it.

You will find the tools that you need. You will take bits and pieces of different theories and practices. You’ll talk to parents and doctors and therapists. You’ll take something from each of them. You’ll even find value in those you don’t agree with at all. Sometimes the most. From the scraps that you gather, you will start to build your child’s quilt. A little of this, a little of that, a lot of love.

You will speak hesitantly at first, but you’ll find your voice. You will come to see that no one knows your child better than you do. You will respectfully listen to the experts in each field. You will value their experience and their knowledge. But you will ultimately remember that while they are the experts in science, you are the expert in your child.

You will think you can’t handle it. You will be wrong.

This is not an easy road, but its rewards are tremendous. It’s joys are the very sweetest of life’s nectar. You will drink them in and taste and smell and feel every last drop of them.

You will be OK.

You will help your sweet girl be far better than OK. You will show her boundless love. She will know that she is accepted and cherished and celebrated for every last morsel of who she is. She will know that her Mama’s there at every turn. She will believe in herself as you believe in her. She will astound you. Over and over and over again. She will teach you far more than you teach her. She will fly.

You will be OK.

And I will be here for you. Every step of the way.

With love,

Jess

Why can't I slow down?

Firstly, FANTASTIC news for Sophie!!! She's made it through surgery with great success! All the best case scenarios played out, and hopefully they'll never see another seizure again!! HOORAY!

As for me, well, I'm enjoying a fantastic weekend away from Todd & the kids at my family's cabin on Vashon. It's amazing over here: mid-70's, incredible view, and quiet. I arrived last night and spent the night by myself. This afternoon two of my best girlfriends are joining me for some girl-time.

But...(there's always a "but")...I'm finding it hard to just let go & relax. Maybe because I'm so constantly wound up it would take a full week of this to unwind? I don't know. But I just feel antsy. Like I should be doing something. Preparing meals, cleaning, researching, whatever. Anything that isn't totally FOR ME. It's weird. I wasn't expecting to feel like this.

(Maybe I just need some more wine! LOL!)

In Lily news, we started her on Vigabatrin again about a month ago. She was on VGB back in early 2006 when she was just a baby. She was on a very high dose of it, and it ultimately was responsible for her status seizure that landed her in the hospital for three days. During this hospital stay, her MRI revealed subtle brain changes that possibly indicated a terrible mitochondrial disorder called Leigh's Disease. Fortunately, thanks again to the IS Yahoo Group, I learned of another kiddo, Vic, who had a similar finding but it wasn't due to Leigh's; it was a rare side effect of the Vigabatrin. Some fast & furious research, phone calls, and discussion yielded a few other kids with similar findings, and the only way to know if it was due to VGB was to wean off of it, and repeat an MRI in six months.

I think you know where this goes, right? Lily didn't have Leigh's (THANKGOD!), but instead was just a rare side effect. She was one of a few kids who was written about in a paper published by Dr. Pearl at Children's National Medical Center in DC, about this particular side effect. Well, we always wondered if VGB would be good for Lily because it did really help control her seizures in 2006, but we wrote it off considering the bad side effects.

After we saw Dr. Chugani in February, we started considering it again as the paper suggested that young age & high dose were risk factors (both of which Lily had when she had the status). I sent an email to Dr. Pearl asking his opinion, just hoping he would write back...and he did! The next day! Amazing. AND he was familiar with Lily, and seemed genuinely pleased to hear from us. He was definitely in favor of trying it again, suggested not going over a certain dose, and that he'd tried it again on several kids with no recurrence of the s/x.

So, we started it again abotu a month ago...and it's been amazing. Lily's seizures have gone way down and we're just seeing an explosion of development. Her attention is significantly better. She'll follow your point to a toy when you have her attention; she responds to her name. She is learning to discriminate between two toys during ABA. It's amazing.

We're still on a fairly low dose with plenty of room to move up. I'm reluctant to though because we have such a good balance of s/x to seizures. I worry that if we moved up on dose, we'd see greater side effects (floppiness, sleepiness) with relatively little benefit. I could be convinced otherwise, and will bring it up at our next neuro appointment.

We had a successful IEP meeting to write the goals for next year. We're lucky to have such a great team working with Lily. I personally think she's going to meet a bunch of the goals over the summer through ABA therapy, but we'll see. We can revise in the fall if needed.

Lily's school is also beginning an inclusion program next year!! I couldn't be more thrilled about this! I've wanted an inclusion program for the early childhoold preschool since we knew Lily would be going there. Two neighboring districts have similar programs, and we seriously considered moving so that the twins could go to school together for even a short while. Well, next year Hank will get to go to school with Lily two days a week! We love his regular preschool so he'll continue to go there three days a week as well. This is likely the only opportunity Hank & Lily will have to go to school together so we're just overjoyed.

I'm also working with the program manager at her school to begin some parent involvement, maybe through an ECE PTA or other some kind of group. I miss that from the Birth to Three days, and I know it can be successful. I'm excited about it.

I have much to catch up on...

I have so much to catch up on. Mostly, Lily is just doing amazing right now. She's really exploding with development, and I just couldn't be prouder.

Despite all of that, I've had a relatively low month. I realize that I shy away from posting during the (my) down periods. Having a special needs kiddo is so very, very isolating and lonely at times, that i tend to pull away from everything which just makes it worse.

But my dear friend Danielle reminds me in her post that we need to write about and share it all, because that *IS* life. Life is up and down, and it's not right to just paint a pretty picture of what life with my little epilepsy, autistic baby is like.

So, I'll try to be better about being real.

BUT for now... PLEASE keep my good friend Elaine and her dear daughter Sophie in your thoughts. Sophie is in Detroit havining surgery to hopefully stop her seizures once and for all. She's through the first phase with flying colors, and I"m just so proud of Elaine for continuing to advocate for Sophie, and SOOOO proud of Sophie for being so strong and brave, and proud of her tenacity for fighting this horrible disease.

So much going on!

Wow, what a few weeks it has been. Lots to share!

Todd and drove to Jordan's memorial service on March 28. I'd never met Leslie or Devon in person, so it maybe seemed a little odd to spend a day travelling to support their family. But that's the weird thing with this community of IS parents...you don't need to have met someone in person to feel moved by them; love their little ones. And my heart just knew I had to be there. Perhaps it comes from my own history of losing children (2nd trimester miscarriage), perhaps it just comes from having special needs kiddo. Maybe it's both. But I am so glad to have gone down to Vancouver to love & support the Rowe family.

Devon read an incredibly moving eulogy during the service, and the text can be read here. The thing about his words is that I relate to all of them. Like many folks with special needs kids, I'm asked all the time "how do I do it"? Sometimes, I don't know! Sometimes, at the end of the day, I look at all the things I juggle, meds, school, therapies, my business, my activities, my family, my friends, and I think, "Who is this person I have become?" I was never this organized (and usually I still dont' feel organized!). The bottom line is that I'm jsut doing the best I can. Doing what I can to love Lily and make sure her needs are met. Thanks, Devon, for writing it much more eloquently than I could ever possibly do.

In other news, the day after Jordan's memorial Todd, Hank, Lily and I, along with my brother & his wife Tiffany, my mom and our good family friend Vicki all participated in the CanDo5k. It was a 5k Fun Run/Walk with a kids dash after. The organization that put it on, Northshore Special Families, is a group supporting parents, kids & families with special needs. They're a really neat organization that I'm hoping to become more involved with.

Anyhoo, we just did the 1k walk. We didn't know if Hank would make it the full 5k, plus they were calling for SNOW on the day of the walk! Sheesh! Well, we had a great time at the walk, and Lily even got out and walked the final 20 yards to the finish line! We all crossed the finish holding hands, our family of 4. A proud moment for this mama, to be sure.



Lily has also started her ABA therapy! We've only had three sessions so far, but it is INCREDIBLE what she can do after such a short time. She already understands "Lily, sit down in your chair!" and will even come from a few feet away to sit in her chair! She can identify and pick up a ball when it is placed in front of her with another object! And she's beginning to match 2D pictures with their 3D objects. I can't wait until we get the therapy going 3x/week. I jsut know she's going to pick this stuff up rapidly.

Finally, we went over to my family's cabin for Easter weekend with my parents, brother & Tiff. It was just looovely. Fantastically relaxing, good food, golf, and a 2-hour-long-nap-with-Lily! Divine. On Saturday, Todd and the twins were playing on the trampoline and Lily was just laughing hysterically. Naturally I videotaped it and want to share it here. Lily basically didn't laugh for the first 2-2.5 years of her life. One of the first things that she lost when her seizures started was her smile and giggle. And she has just an infectuous giggle. So every time she laughs now, its just the most magical sound.

A heavy heart.

Back when Lily was 1st diagnosed with IS, I found the Infantile Spasms Yahoo Group and of course immediately joined and read all of the posts, every day. I learned so much from this group, and continue to learn from them even now. There is a group of 8-10 families that have kids around the same age as Lily, who all joined the group around the same time, and many still battle seizures & disability today. I follow their blogs, email with the mothers, and consider them part of my, and Lily's, IS Family.

And Monday we lost a beloved member of our family. Jordan Rowe, a gorgeous girl with eyes that won't quit, and hair the color of the sun passed away unexpectedly in her sleep.

Her mother, Leslie, is the most amazing advocate for her children, Jordan especially. She never slowed down searching for answers, pushing for resources, and standing up for her daughter. I learned much from her, about advocating, not accepting the "we don't know" answers.



From the Rowe Family Blog
Jordan didn't wake up this morning. She passed peacefully in her sleep sometime between midnight & 04:30am. She was right there with us, yet made no plea for help, no gasps for breath, no cries of pain. She just slipped away. Quite unexpectedly. She was almost back to "normal" from her illness of the last few weeks, and was going to go to school today for the first time in over a week. Unfortunately for us, though, it was her time to go. We are shocked and devastated. Devastated. We will let you know when arrangements have been made for her memorial service.

Leslie, Devon, Avery, & Birkeley

My heart aches for the loss of Dear Jordan. Jordan was Lily's IS Sister, and she will always be in my heart.

Meal time & Lily's Big Girl Bed!

So we got this nifty little Flip Video Camera after reading a post in Miss Mira's Blog. Since then we've been taking all these little video clips and it's just a GREAT little camera. I adore it.

Recently we took a video during dinner where Lily was particularly happy. I didn't write about it much here, but while she was on the keto diet, mealtime was...challenging. Lily really didn't like the food, and she was so frustrated that she couldn't feed herself. (Since it is imperative that all the food make it into her mouth, and Lily isn't really the...tidiest...eater, we couldn't let her self-feed.) Anyways, we took a video back in November to show our neurologist how difficult the meals were for Lily (which we ended up not showing him as we took her off the diet in December). So today I put the two videos together in a little compare/contrast to share with everyone here.



About nine months, maybe a year ago, we bought Hank his Big Boy bed. Lily was still in her crib. She got to be too big to lift out, so we took the rail of her crib and used a saftey rail. Unfortunately, she just didn't understand and would pull up on it and topple over. This arrangement only lasted a week or so until I just took the crib down completely & Lily has been sleeping on her crib mattress ever since.

A few weeks ago Lily learned how to climb up on things, including the couch and Hank's bed! Ever since she kind of figured that out, she's been insistent on sleeping in Hank's bed. We'd go in to get her up in the mornings, and find her asleep in Hank's bed.



She just had something about either being in a real bed or being with her brother. We indulged her while worring a little about her safety, but she's done really well. So this weekend we went to IKEA and bought Lily her OWN Big Girl Bed. We got coordinating blankets and curtains and everything. Todd & I spent all day today putting the room together, and Lily is asleep in her Big Girl Bed right now!

Walking into the room:


Here's the twins' beds pushed together.


Putting Lily down:


Tucking in:



Brother Snuggles:





G'nite babies!

Lots to update on!

Well, where to start...so much going on...

We had a fantastic trip to Detroit, MI & Loveland, OH. We spent great time with family and cousins, and learned a wealth of information from Dr. Chugani.

Lily loved having all that space to roam around in the airport:




In Detroit, everyone in the EEG lab was fantastic. They bundled Lily up super tight, making it look like a little EEG Spa:


Lily did fairly well in the hospital over night:


The overnight stay was tougher than I'd planned for. Lily was confined to the bed 100% of the time so she could stay on camera. Also, they require the parents to stay awake the whole night so that we can "push the button" when/if the child has a seizure. Lily doesn't have siezures in her sleep, so I wasn't prepared for this. WHat made it especially tough is that the rooms don't have a "parent light" over the seats, so I couldn't have any light on to read. Also, they block a lot of the channels on the TV so no Law & Order or Sex & the City re-runs to keep me entertained. No laptops allowed. I had loaded some tv shows on my iPod to entertain me, but I had no battery due to a little mishap the night before. :( So that was tough.

All in all though, the overnight went fairly well. We went direct from EEG to the PET lab. EVERYONE working in the PET lab was just amazing. They were warm, accomodating, gentle, and supportive. THey were so great with Hank, always making sure he had toys & entertainemnt. THey had a 2nd little waiting room that they let us just take over while we were there.

Waiting for the PET:


G'nite, little bean:


Hank works on the scan:


We ended up having both kinds of PET scans, the FDG & FMZ (the FMZ is the "study" PET that Dr. Chugani is running) so we had to go back on Wednesday for the 2nd scan.

On Thursday we met with Dr. Chugani to go over all the results. He spent nearly two hours with us answering tons of questions and discussing Lily. What we leared is that Lily is not a surgical candidate, and will not be in the future either. We can cross that option off the list.

Lily has bi-lateral hypometabolism in the temporal & parietal lobes of her brain. These areas of the brain control the higher-functions of learning and function: visual processing, memory, and language among other things. Dr. Chugani showed us pictures of the scan and the hypometabolism (areas where the brain doesn't process glucose as well) is nearly identical on both sides.

The most interesting thing about his observations of Lily was how he picked up on and really spent a lot of time talking about her autistic features. He talked about a small sub-population of kids with infantile spasms who are also autistic. This sub-population, kids he's observed for 15+ years, all have similar features, similar PET scans, and similar behaviors. This leads him to believe that htey all have some sort of undetermined genetic condition that leads to this. Dr. Chugani is also running this very large-scale gene bank that we all decided to participate in. We all (including Hank!) gave a vial of blood that will periodically be run against new findings in genetics. Dr. Chugani has access to the super-duper genetic tools that the NIH has, so he's making great strides in this area.

Dr. Chugani does not think that the cause of Lily's seizures is a mitochondrial/metabolic issue, however we take that with the same grain of salt that we take Dr. Saneto's believe that her seizures ARE mito related. Everyone has their biases and interests...we'll pursue them all until/if we ever find something. (A definitive answer/diagnosis likely won't change the course of Lily's life, but could have implications for Hank's reproductive future, and if we decide to have any more kids in teh future.)

One of the best things Dr. Chugani was able to clarify for us was with regards to the distinction between development & seizures. We'd always operated under the belief/assumption that the learning was directly linked to seizure activity. Must stop one to achieve the other, wehn in fact they are separate. This really tied into his observation of Lily's autism. He encouraged us to aggressively pursue theraipes designed for autistic kids. As I mentioned in a previous post, some of our other IS friends have had great success with ABA therapy. Dr. Chugani encouraged us to "embrace" her autism diagnosis, let go of feeling like posers, and use that diagnosis to get whatever therapies & treatments we could for Lily.

(Despite getting the autism diagnosis in August, I have been reluctant to embrace it and jump into the autism community as I didn't feel like Lily was "autistic enough". I don't believe her seizures/autism were/are caused by vaccinations, and I'm not necessarily going to pursue biomedical treatment for her. Finding acceptance as a parent of a child with special needs is tough enough; I didn't want to be "shunned" from the autism community. Dr. Chugani encouraged me to let go of all these feelings and jsut do what was best for Lily. Come to find out, he was totally right, and I'm learning SO MUCH about therapies and thigns to do with Lily!)

So, along those lines Lily starts her assessments for the ABA program next Monday. I'm thrilled to have hooked up with A.P.P.L.E. Consulting to provide Lily's ABA. One of our therapists is a good friend of my sister-in-law, Tiffany, and was in her wedding last summer. I was fortunate to spend time talking with Hayley about Lily and learning about how ABA will really help Lily's development. I'm THRILLED to be starting it next week.

Also next week, Lily has an AAC evaluation at Seattle Children's. This is another thing that neurodevelopmental suggested we do last August (and it took this long to get it scheduled, YIKES!). AAC = Alternative & Augmentative Communication. It's a two hour long eval and at the end, recommendations will be made about programs to use to teach Lily communication. We're going to have a large team of Lily Supporters at the AAC; her SLP from Cascade will be there, as well as her teacher, paraeducator, and PT from school will be there. Of course, Todd, Hank & I will be there, and Amanda our Nanny is coming too! WOW! Lots of people behind Lily, supporting her, and wanting her to get as far as she can!

Day to day, Lily is doing just great. We're so very happy we stopped the ketogenic diet in December. Lily is so much happier! We feel that it has also really increased her fine motor skills, as well as communication. We're using a few PECS with her at meal time (she can use the PECS to ask for more cheerios & a drink). She did the most amazing thing the other day! She was hungry, and whining a bit. So she came over to me at the sink, took my hand, and pulled me over to her high chair, indicating that she was hungry and wanted to eat! Of course I whooped it up and rewarded her with a snack!! GO LILY!!!!!!

Lily is done with the Ganaxolone study, and we've started her on a new medication called Banzel. Banzel was developed as an adjunct therapy for kids with Lennox-Gastaut, a different but related seizure disorder. We've seen good results with it, however we aren't seizure free. We're in teh midst of trying to decide if we're going to add a 2nd medication to her cocktail, or where to go from here.

All in all, we're in a good place right now.

Winter time!

Well, I'm a bad blogging mom. But it's time for a Lily Update as there are some big things going on!

First off, HI JEAN!

Ok, now that's out of the way...

Lily came off the Ketogenic Diet over Christmas. It wasn't planned, and I think our neurologist is not super thrilled, but it was the right thing for us to do. Lily had a little stomach flu and couldn't keep anything Keto Friendly in her body. So we initiated the B.R.A.T. diet: Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast. We stuck with bananas and dry toast, which aren't exactly Keto foods. And she was SO SO SO happy. Seriously, we haven't seen her that happy since before starting the diet. We did 24 hours of BRAT, then tried some Keto Foods. And they just went right through her, so back to BRAT we went. And she was so happy, not exhibiting ANY side effects of "normal" food, that we slowly introduced other normal stuff: turkey, beef, milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. We didn't "carb load" her, we tried to stick to higher protein stuff for a few days.

All in all, it has made a WORLD of difference for her disposition. She is having fewer seizures than before her illness. We don't know if they will eventually creep back up, but it just became clear that the diet wasn't helping her enough to make the trouble and hassle worth it. And putting LIly back on a regular diet opens up all kinds of teaching/therapy possibilites because food is a major motivator for Lily. We can use it as a reward for performing certain tasks and activites.

We couldn't be happier with our decision, despite it being an unconventional move and not what we had originally talked about with our neurologist.

Lily is also going to be weaned off of Ganaxolone, the study drug she takes. Marinus, the drug company sponsoring the study, has found that Ganaxolone doesn't provide the kinds of seizure control results they wanted so they're pulling the study & will not be pursuing FDA approval (at least for use in Infantile Spasms...it could be approved for other siezure types). So, we start the wean next Monday and she'll be off by early February.

This leaves us in a bit of a pickle as we're waiting on some genetic testing results before we start the next medication that we want to try (Valproic Acid). We'll set up the plan next week, but we may add a different med to bridge the time before our genetic results are back.

Lily was officially diagnosed with autism this summer. Normally parents don't cheer this diagnosis, but we did! This opens up a benefit in our insurance that will cover the majority of ABA therapy for Lily. I'm working on getting that set up for her now. I'm so excited about this! I just know it's going to do wonders for Lily and that she'll really start to learn. Our friends Cody and Sophie have both exploded in development with the use of ABA.

Lily is 1/3 the way through her first year of school. We really like her teacher and her 1:1 aide, and are happy with how things are going. We're going to revise some of her IEP goals soon now that we can use food as a motivator/teaching tool. There's just so much more we can do with Lily without the burden of food restrictions!

Finally we are working on arranging a trip out to consult with Dr. Harry Chugani at Children's Hospital of Michigan. Dr. Chugani is considered "the" doctor to see among IS parents. He has pioneered the use of PET scans to treat Infantile Spasms and determine if kiddos are surgical candidates or not. It's a path we've considered for a long time, since Lily was 6 months old at least. We haven't been able to pursue it this past year since Lily's been on the diet, but now that she's off we are planning a trip. It won't be easy -- it involves a 24 hour EEG, a PET scan (with sedation) and theoretically, a second kind of PET scan that Dr. Chugani is studying. Then on the fourth day we actually get to meet with Dr. Chugani and discuss all the results.

We'd probably take the whole family to go. It's very important for Hank & Lily to be together as they really depend on each other. It's important for Hank to be a part of Lily's world as it is, and will be, his world for his whole life. He's such a natural caretaker of her -- he is always checking on her, loves to snuggle her, and nwo that she's off-diet, FEED HER! LOL! Anyhow, since we'd be taking all four of us, we'll probably drive down to Maumee, OH to visit Todd's grandma. Hopefully Todd's mom will come up to visit, along with his sister & her kids. The four cousins haven't been together since before Lily was diagnosed -- October, 2005! I can't wait for these kids to be together and play!!

Here are the twins on Christmas Eve:

Summertime!

Hello friends!

Just wanted to offer a brief update on Lily...

She's doing great these days! We are still on the Ketogenic Diet at a 3:1 ratio, which Lily tolerates fairly well. We go through periods of difficulty, but overall she does well with it. Her favorite meals are eggs & fruit (because I can hide 100% of the cream & butter in the eggs), Ketocal formula, and a smoothie recipe with jello, cream, fruit, egg beatersa, and oil. Sounds appetizing, no? LOL!

Since the diet has been such a big help in her seizures, we've been able to wean Lily off her Topamax. We're still in the process, but we started at 75mg 2x/day, and we're now down to 25mg 1x/day. We're so close to be off of "DOPE-amax", and have really seen a change in Lily's alertness and awareness of her surroundings. Can't wait to be done with this!

She's still part of the Ganaxolone study, and we still think the med helps her. It's hard to believe it's been a year since we were in Los Angeles starting this new therapy for infantile spasms. The study keeps getting extended so as far as we can tell, Lily will be on this as long as we think it is helping.

Lily turned THREE this week! It's just amazing. She enjoyed her birthday dinner of smoothie, and loved watching the candles on the cake even though she couldn't indulge. She loved opening her gifts, though was much more excited about the wrapping paper than the actual gift.

We completed her IEP for the school district in June. We were THRILLED that the school district OFFERED an 1:1 aide for Lily, which we figured we'd have to fight uphill for. We have a little bit of work to do on the verbiage of her goals, but overall we're excited for her to start school in the fall.

We're also pursuing a diagnosis of autism for Lily. She doesn't present as a "classic" autistic child, however she has enough of the criteria (in my opinion) to qualify for a diagnosis. Having this diagnosis will open up lots of doors & therapies for her, including Applied Behavior Analysis which I believe Lily would REALLY benefit from. We see neurodevelopmental in August, so we'll see where we stand at that point.

Lily & Hank are going to a summer camp at the end of the month! There is a fantastic program through a local hospital that is designed specifically for special needs kids & their siblings. The twins will be in a small group, around five kids, and there are two teachers for each "pod", plus each child has a "buddy" which is most likely a high school student doing their extra credit for the summer. I hear that there is a waiting list to be a volunteer and that some of the students enjoy it so much they come back year after year, even after finishing out their credit!

The camp takes place at a HUGE park just north of us, and there are classrooms, fields, playgrounds, and a petting zoo!! So exciting, and I think the kids are just going to LOVE it.

Lily is also on the waiting list at Little Bit Riding Center where she would get hippotherapy. Hippotherapy is "a treatment that uses the multidimensional movement of the horse; from the Greek word "hippos" which means horse. Specially trained physical, occupational and speech therapists use this medical treatment for clients who have movement dysfunction. Historically, the therapeutic benefits of the horse were recognized as early as 460 BC. The use of the horse as therapy evolved throughout Europe, the United States and Canada." Her PT/OT & SLP have both suggested that Lily would benefit from this therapy. Unfortunately, there is a YEAR LONG waiting list at LIttle Bit, so it's a while before she'll get to start.

We're starting swimming lessons with Lily again tomorrow; it's just a parent-tot class, and not specific to special needs, but Lily loves teh water and I think she'll enjoy the playtime with all four of us.

Next weekend is Uncle John's wedding, and Lily is a flower girl! There are actually two flower girls, and Lily will be pulled in a wagon down the aisle. She looks like an angel in her flower girl dress, and I can't wait to share pictures.

OH! Our Epilepsy Walk was a HUGE success! We raised over $3300 for the Epilepsy Foundation Northwest. We are so grateful to everyone for supporting Lily and the disease she battles daily.

Lily is great!

Click here to sponsor our family in Epilepsy Foundation Walk!

Lily is doing really well these days.

We've increased her diet ratio to 3:1, and have definitely seen a decrease in her seizures. She now maybe has only 3 or 4 spasms in a day, and we've even had a few seizure-free days! WOO!!!

We have Lily's IEP meeting tomorrow to write her education plan for the school district tomorrow. I'm nervous, but have gotten AMAZING advice from my good friend Shawna.

We've been able to decrease Lily's Topamax by 2/3rds now, which has made a HUGE difference in her alertness & interaction. It's just so amazing to see our Lily wake up.

Our BIG NEWS is that we are participating in the Epilepsy Foundation Northwest Walk on Saturday, June 21st. Please consider donating to this amazing organization promoting advocacy, education, and research.